Dead baby! Beautiful 9 month 1 day yr old baby, dead in the head holder of the scanner. Even for me that's uncommon. Followed by the 15 yo with the liver lesions who came in with mild belly pain now yellow and screaming ''KILL ME, I WANT YOU TO FUCKING KILL ME, TOO MUCH PAIN, CAN'T BREATHE FUCKING KILL ME''. I watched him come in a week or so ago chatting about the weekend, cute n cool to this, 3 drains, a lung as fucked as I've seen and pain no matter what they give him, 5 Dr's looking on, including the 2 Dr house infectious disease guys, fucked up. Mother is a theatre nurse with us, bawling her eyes out. Fucked up.

Next up guy in his 20's with adv aggressive bowl cancer to the point of obstruction. He doesn't know yet though. Came from day surgery. Such a strange dynamic as I smile, 'sorry for the delay, an emergency has to be put ahead of you'. Completely understanding 'he looks way sick man don't worry about it hey'. Tomorrow he may have had a slightly different perspective. On these days I have the stimulation I require, but horror and nowhere to put it. No way to use it. And then after all this, I have to deal with the beuarcrats; and that's what really hurts me.